#4: Giving In to Going Under with Lily Baldwin
The incredible artist, filmmaker and performer on experiencing a perfect storm of illness and injury and her ever-deepening relationship with her body
Hi! It’s been a while! First off, I’d like to thank everyone for the support and the grace you are giving Erin and I while we figure out how to make this thing that we love making. Between me, Erin, and the composer on the project, Leslie (how great is the original music?!), we’re doing everything ourselves; recording and editing at home and learning a lot along the way. We care a lot about it being good, so if you ever have feedback let us know! You can email us at givingin@substack.com.
Today’s episode is a special one. I was first introduced to Lily through her Peabody award-nominated podcast Stories of the Stalked, a six-part podcast from Audible, where Lily brings listeners through her 13-year experience of being stalked by a stranger who believes they are soul mates. I was struck by Lily’s immersive, genre-bending storytelling style and I wanted to know more about Lily and her relationship to her work.
In this episode, we hear how Lily’s life as an artist, filmmaker, and dancer was suddenly forced to adapt and evolve when she went 80% numb from her waist down within 72 hours. For anyone, this would be terrifying; for someone whose expression of self and service is through dance and movement it was, in Lily’s words, “like, oh my fucking God. Am I gonna drown?” (PLEASE watch this video of Lily’s solo performance while on tour with David Byrne, I’ll wait while you collect your jaw from the floor)
Let’s wade in. Here’s what’s waiting for you:
~1:37 - Intro & Act 1: Surrender: We welcome Lily and discuss her visceral cringe at the word “surrender” and where that recoil comes from. We also get into the dance of chronos and kairos, the Greek words for chronological time (the 24-hour day, sunrise and sunset, scheduled time ) and right timing (opportunity, serendipity, flow), respectively. Lily has been thinking about what it means to live a full life since she was a kid. In January 2017, she was living that life when a sudden onset disability turned her world upside down.
~11:15 - Act 2: Integration: How was Lily’s art and life impacted by this experience of surrendering to her body in such a total way? We talk about:
the discovery of stillness, creative ways of moving, and deep intimacy with self that followed the experience of depression, isolation, and loss
consciously ending romantic relationships to slow down and be with what was happening
if there were something Lily was scared to do as a kid, she’d do it. What happens when that’s no longer an option?
how pain is a real prioritizer
we learn more about Lily’s forthcoming documentary Chronicle of Hip! You’ve gotta watch the trailer. The clip gives me chills.
we talk about ableism and the cultural associations around a perceived “weak” body in a capitalist culture
~24:19 - Act 3: Wisdom and Lessons: If Lily could have been given comforting words from someone she trusted at the very start of this process, what wisdom would have been helpful to hear? And from who? We talk about her relationship with her sexuality, testing her own limits. We also learn a lot more about Lily’s upcoming work, which is all an invitation to awaken, ex: exploring what it means to be a human cyborg, investing more resources into the non-profit, and reimagining (reclaiming?!) the ancient story of Lilith for a feature film.
~39:46 - Act 4: Rapid Fire Questions: We almost named this podcast episode “Giving in to the Moon, Dreams, and Blood with Lily Baldwin,” given the fun responses to our rapid-fire questions. Octavia Butler is my favorite futurist writer, and I lose my mind a little when Lily says she’s currently reading Lilith’s Brood. Ursula K. Leguin also comes up. May I recommend The Dispossessed? Does anyone have other excellent sci-fi recs? Please tell us!!
We end talking about what it really means to listen, to drop into the present moment and give someone our full attention.
You can find the episode here or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts! I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did. It was such an honor to receive Lily’s story. Can’t wait to hear what you think.
Love,
Patty
P.S. If your interest in Stories of the Stalked was piqued above, Lily also has a non-profit, Stop Stalking Us. Stalking is a far too prevalent and violent crime, and the legal system makes it difficult to navigate. I encourage you to check it out.